Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Ordinary Miracle

I had another blog post in the queue ready to go… and then this morning something happened and we took a video of it and I'm putting the other post on hold to share this moment . 

But before I share it I just want to post a picture that still makes my heart hurt to look at. Because maybe with the backdrop of that picture you can share in the joy that I felt this morning. 

I know others have gone through far scarier things than we did. But for several frightening days last summer, I thought we might not be bringing our baby bunny home.

I remember calling Jason and Josiah and one of my best friends, during the pinnacle of that fear, imploring them to help me reel my mind back in. I can still see the look of compassion on Madison's heart doctor's face when I begged her to tell me our Bunny was going to be OK. She told me our baby was in the best place she possibly could be - and they were going to do everything they could to take care of her. I can still hear the anguish in my friend Kris's voice as she cried with me on the phone and assured me she and her family were praying for Madison. 

 I remember being alone in a little meditation room in the hospital on my face before God. Literally - on my face  - kneeling down on some bamboo floor, tears and snot everywhere. You could say I was in prayer ...but in reality it probably looked more like I had collapsed in a pile of anxiety/ exhaustion/hysteria to anyone walking into that room.  I wasn't praying...  I was begging. I don't even know that my words were distinguishable to an innocent observer, but thankfully I serve a God who speaks the language of Desperation. 

I remember trying to project myself into the future – to months down the line when our baby would be hitting milestones, learning to sit up, eating baby food for the first time, taking her first steps ... I made myself think of those images and told myself we were going to get there. By the grace of God and through the prayers of so many people, I told myself we were going to get to that day. 

If you've ever faced a panic attack, you know that one of the keys to getting through it is to get your mind out of that wickedly awful place. 

If you've never faced a panic attack, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about.

 But when you are on the brink of one, you know there are two options. One is to fall down that rabbit hole… And if you've never been there, I don't wish it on anyone. The other is to look up. 

And I remember it just like it was yesterday – I remember holding my hand up to God and saying Lord, give me something to hold onto. I can't take this fear and this torment. 

I. Can't. Take it. 

And whether it was the Holy Spirit or just the desperation of a broken mama, I fixed my mind on this image… the image of my Bunny, healthy and happy and THRIVING, and I held onto it. 

So maybe that's why there are tears mixed in with my laughter when our baby hit an ordinary milestone this morning. 

Maybe that's why I'm still crying tears of joy every time I watch this little clip or watch her in my arms again just now, clapping her hands and smiling at all of us as if she just accomplished the biggest thing in the world.

And maybe - if you're a parent of a child with special needs... or if you love someone who is - you can appreciate the depth of our joy this morning. 

She works so hard for every milestone she reaches. So hard. But the thing our designer gene girls have taught us is this:  the greater the struggle in life, the more powerful the joy when you get there. 

If you're going through something today, remember this :

Happy Tuesday, sweet friends. xoxo


Anne B. said...

Oh my.....this just put such a smile on my face.....after I finished wiping away the tears from the first video. Such a reminder of the Great God we serve! Love the quote about the battle and the blessing! (((HUGS))))!!!!!

Grammi Faith said...

Through tears I watched the first video as if it were the first time seeing these pictures. My cheeks hurt from ginning for so long during the second video. Can't wait to see you all again in person.

Joy said...

Love this so much!! Thanks for the encouragement, too. It's not the same and not nearly as important, but there are just some things in my life that seem completely impossible right now, and this post was so uplifting. God bless you and your amazing family!

Unknown said...

Pulled at my momma heart strings. So thankful to God for healing sweet baby bunny. She is a precious gift.

Cindy said...

Such a sweet video! Yay Bunny!

grandma said...

I love the emotion that creates tears and smiles at the same time. What a happy happy milestone. Such joy on beautiful Madison's face, such happiness in your voice! God bless your family.

Ashley said...

I remember when our little one curled her fingers under and pointed with just her pointer finger-I cried. We had worked for months. The ability to acknowledge everyday miracles is a gift.

Parents United for Russian Orphans said...

So beautiful. They are all getting so big. Would you please email me when you get a chance? I have 2 books I would like to send you for your review and a giveaway. The author and illustrator are going to help me write a book about Natasha's Hat story but they both have done wonderful work for other organizations I would love to share their work with you.

angie said...

Being a mom of a special needs child, I totally get it. How sweet is she? And so proud of herself, as she should be! This is the gift of special needs though- everyday accomplishments become so special.