Wednesday, February 24, 2016

True confessions of a nerd mom

I'm doing something I've never done to date, and I'm pretty dang excited about it. 

Well, I take that back.

I've done this many times - but never this way before.

I'm blogging from a laptop - typing with both hands - and I'm WEARING my baby while I do it.

Revolutionary, I know.

this is not me. this is Mackenzie. I have a few more wrinkles and longer hair. in case you wondered.

I realize this is how hundreds, maybe thousands of young, hip moms have been doing things for at least a decade now. They don't "carry" their babies. They WEAR them. 

Recently I came to the revelation that I'm actually part of the older, non-hip generation when I started reading and hearing these terms thrown around in conversations between moms  ... and I didn't have a clue what were talking about.

For example; moms of the current generation don't just let their kids sleep in their beds with them - they co-sleep.

these two don't actually sleep with us. well, not all the time. 

They don't just wrap their babies up in a blanket and call it good - they swaddle.

this is not me either. it's my mom. shorter hair, just a few more wrinkles maybe. in case you were wondering. 

If they let their kids get shots they are called vaxxers - and Lord help them if they ever casually mention that fact around any non-vaxxers online or in real life. 

Apparently this is a verrrrry heated issue amongst this new generation of moms, and both sides are equally passionate about their positions.

I once stumbled into an online forum on this subject and believe me - it was not a pretty read. I've never seen so many f-bombs dropped and (virtual) middle fingers waved in a conversation between strangers about chicken pox. 

And I know I'm digressing here - but it always strikes me as funny to picture some of these cool hipster moms sitting around a table having coffee together and actually saying in person (presumably over a skinny latte, decaf) what they are SCREAMING in bold capital italics at each other on the Internet. 

this is not coffee. it's tea. and it's not skinny either. neither is my croissant.

Maybe that's why things were perhaps a bit more civilized back in the day when I first started parenting ... moms actually discussed things amicably and open mindedly with their real life trusted friends ... and even sometimes (gasp!) with their real life trusted physicians. 

Dr. Google and chat rooms have replaced all that today though, and social media is where all the cool people go to make all their important decisions and proclaim their lifestyle choices to the world. 

"So - do you vax or not?"
 "I don't know - but you should have vaxxed your kid a long time ago. she has mold in her eyes."

I recently read one young mom's bio on her Instagram account, and I was bewildered. She described herself as a baby-wearing, co-sleeping, non-vaxxing, gluten-free, attached-parenting mom... and she followed it up with all these complicated emojis I didn't even know existed. (By the way - I thought all parents were pretty attached to their kids, but I later discovered there's a whole brand of parenting associated with the term now. Who knew ?)

My boring little IG bio just reads "Mama to 12" .

I'm sure all the cool, hip young moms take one look at that and yawn.

No labels, no fancy emojis, no bandwagons ... just a boring "mama". To 12. Dirtying up the planet with my dozens of carbon footprints no less !!!

Side note: I also thought I was doing good by tacking a thumbs-up sign onto my IG picture caption every now and then, or perhaps a smiley face or two... but these cool moms have taken the whole emoji thing to a whole new level. 

I have to text my 23 year old daughter on a regular basis and ask her if I'm using an emoji correctly - I live in fear that I'm going to unintentionally use a marijuana plant in a caption or something, when I thought it was a Christmas tree. You just can't be too careful with your emoji game these days, trust me. Especially when you're typing without your reading glasses on. 

But there I go again - cool hip moms probably only wear reading glasses to make a fashion statement... unlike this quickly-approaching 48 year old nerd who snags a pair at the dollar tree and wears them so she can see things better. 

kenzie and her cool glasses.
 which are not JUST a fashion statement. but they do scream fashion.
whereas mine...

But I want to fit in. I really do.

I want to be able to join the conversation when my cute, cool, hip daughters-in-love come over for dinner and discuss which baby wearing technique they used today... or share the fact that their infant car seat cover also functions as a nursing cover, baby wrap or burka if you were so inclined.

this is what I looked like the first time I attempted using my baby wrap.
 madison is still alive by the way.
in case you wondered.

I jest. I don't know if they double as a burka or not. 

All I know is that there's a multi-functional product out there called a Milk Snob and all the cool moms have one. 

In my day we threw a baby blanket over our shoulder or car seat.. but most of the moms from "my day" are now empty nesters planning their next vacation to Tahiti or somewhere. If I told them I was ditching our family vacation this year so I could afford a Milk Snob, they would stare at me over their reading glasses like I'd lost my mind.

I guess that's the revelation I've come to in recent days. I'm straddling several eras here at age almost-forty-eight ... nursing a newborn and trying to fit in with moms young enough to be my daughters .. 

me and my ultra-cool daughter-in-love monique and my sweet grand baby Riley

... homeschooling preschoolers and a high school student and several kids in between... 

...while helping my almost-eighteen year old figure out college plans and planning play dates with my toddler and grandchildren. ..

hayden and my granddaughter macie - BFFE. (people do still say that, right ??)

And that's not even including the late night heart-to-heart talks with my older children... or the ongoing political discussions and book reviews with my married sons via group texts. 

My conversations on any given day may range from Dr. Seuss to Donald Trump and everything in between- it's a juggling act for sure and I'm not complaining one bit. I love my happy chaotic life and all its complexity. I am embracing it all. And if blogger allowed me to insert emojis, I would add a cool fist bump emoji right here for emphasis ! 

yes, that's a man bun. my kids are hip, even if I am not.

selfies AND duck lips.

And so here I sit, being the conformist that I am, blogging at my desk (it IS still called blogging, right ??) and wearing my baby.

I feel ten years younger just typing that.

I'm a proud and nerdy blanket-throwing, reading-glasses-wearing, gluten-loving, vaxxing-for-the-most-part-except-when-I-forget, kids-sleep-in-my-bed, attached-but-love-my-date-nights-too, BABY-WEARING Mama to 12 ....

... And I have the emojis to prove it.