Wednesday, February 24, 2016

True confessions of a nerd mom

I'm doing something I've never done to date, and I'm pretty dang excited about it. 

Well, I take that back.

I've done this many times - but never this way before.

I'm blogging from a laptop - typing with both hands - and I'm WEARING my baby while I do it.

Revolutionary, I know.

this is not me. this is Mackenzie. I have a few more wrinkles and longer hair. in case you wondered.

I realize this is how hundreds, maybe thousands of young, hip moms have been doing things for at least a decade now. They don't "carry" their babies. They WEAR them. 

Recently I came to the revelation that I'm actually part of the older, non-hip generation when I started reading and hearing these terms thrown around in conversations between moms  ... and I didn't have a clue what were talking about.

For example; moms of the current generation don't just let their kids sleep in their beds with them - they co-sleep.

these two don't actually sleep with us. well, not all the time. 

They don't just wrap their babies up in a blanket and call it good - they swaddle.

this is not me either. it's my mom. shorter hair, just a few more wrinkles maybe. in case you were wondering. 

If they let their kids get shots they are called vaxxers - and Lord help them if they ever casually mention that fact around any non-vaxxers online or in real life. 

Apparently this is a verrrrry heated issue amongst this new generation of moms, and both sides are equally passionate about their positions.

I once stumbled into an online forum on this subject and believe me - it was not a pretty read. I've never seen so many f-bombs dropped and (virtual) middle fingers waved in a conversation between strangers about chicken pox. 

And I know I'm digressing here - but it always strikes me as funny to picture some of these cool hipster moms sitting around a table having coffee together and actually saying in person (presumably over a skinny latte, decaf) what they are SCREAMING in bold capital italics at each other on the Internet. 

this is not coffee. it's tea. and it's not skinny either. neither is my croissant.

Maybe that's why things were perhaps a bit more civilized back in the day when I first started parenting ... moms actually discussed things amicably and open mindedly with their real life trusted friends ... and even sometimes (gasp!) with their real life trusted physicians. 

Dr. Google and chat rooms have replaced all that today though, and social media is where all the cool people go to make all their important decisions and proclaim their lifestyle choices to the world. 

"So - do you vax or not?"
 "I don't know - but you should have vaxxed your kid a long time ago. she has mold in her eyes."

I recently read one young mom's bio on her Instagram account, and I was bewildered. She described herself as a baby-wearing, co-sleeping, non-vaxxing, gluten-free, attached-parenting mom... and she followed it up with all these complicated emojis I didn't even know existed. (By the way - I thought all parents were pretty attached to their kids, but I later discovered there's a whole brand of parenting associated with the term now. Who knew ?)

My boring little IG bio just reads "Mama to 12" .

I'm sure all the cool, hip young moms take one look at that and yawn.

No labels, no fancy emojis, no bandwagons ... just a boring "mama". To 12. Dirtying up the planet with my dozens of carbon footprints no less !!!

Side note: I also thought I was doing good by tacking a thumbs-up sign onto my IG picture caption every now and then, or perhaps a smiley face or two... but these cool moms have taken the whole emoji thing to a whole new level. 

I have to text my 23 year old daughter on a regular basis and ask her if I'm using an emoji correctly - I live in fear that I'm going to unintentionally use a marijuana plant in a caption or something, when I thought it was a Christmas tree. You just can't be too careful with your emoji game these days, trust me. Especially when you're typing without your reading glasses on. 

But there I go again - cool hip moms probably only wear reading glasses to make a fashion statement... unlike this quickly-approaching 48 year old nerd who snags a pair at the dollar tree and wears them so she can see things better. 

kenzie and her cool glasses.
 which are not JUST a fashion statement. but they do scream fashion.
whereas mine...

But I want to fit in. I really do.

I want to be able to join the conversation when my cute, cool, hip daughters-in-love come over for dinner and discuss which baby wearing technique they used today... or share the fact that their infant car seat cover also functions as a nursing cover, baby wrap or burka if you were so inclined.

this is what I looked like the first time I attempted using my baby wrap.
 madison is still alive by the way.
in case you wondered.

I jest. I don't know if they double as a burka or not. 

All I know is that there's a multi-functional product out there called a Milk Snob and all the cool moms have one. 

In my day we threw a baby blanket over our shoulder or car seat.. but most of the moms from "my day" are now empty nesters planning their next vacation to Tahiti or somewhere. If I told them I was ditching our family vacation this year so I could afford a Milk Snob, they would stare at me over their reading glasses like I'd lost my mind.

I guess that's the revelation I've come to in recent days. I'm straddling several eras here at age almost-forty-eight ... nursing a newborn and trying to fit in with moms young enough to be my daughters .. 

me and my ultra-cool daughter-in-love monique and my sweet grand baby Riley

... homeschooling preschoolers and a high school student and several kids in between... 

...while helping my almost-eighteen year old figure out college plans and planning play dates with my toddler and grandchildren. ..

hayden and my granddaughter macie - BFFE. (people do still say that, right ??)

And that's not even including the late night heart-to-heart talks with my older children... or the ongoing political discussions and book reviews with my married sons via group texts. 

My conversations on any given day may range from Dr. Seuss to Donald Trump and everything in between- it's a juggling act for sure and I'm not complaining one bit. I love my happy chaotic life and all its complexity. I am embracing it all. And if blogger allowed me to insert emojis, I would add a cool fist bump emoji right here for emphasis ! 

yes, that's a man bun. my kids are hip, even if I am not.

selfies AND duck lips.

And so here I sit, being the conformist that I am, blogging at my desk (it IS still called blogging, right ??) and wearing my baby.

I feel ten years younger just typing that.

I'm a proud and nerdy blanket-throwing, reading-glasses-wearing, gluten-loving, vaxxing-for-the-most-part-except-when-I-forget, kids-sleep-in-my-bed, attached-but-love-my-date-nights-too, BABY-WEARING Mama to 12 ....

... And I have the emojis to prove it.


Unknown said...


Ann Onymous said...

Lurker of three years here, first time commenting:
Your posts bring me joy because your family is really inspiring and your kids are SO ADORABLE :)
I sincerely hope that in thirty years or so my life will look very similar to this :)
...well, minus having to discuss Donald Trump because he's running for president :P

Unknown said...

Much appreciated post from a firmly vaxxing 46 year old mother of 5,ranging from 3 to 21.

Jessi said...

Love it all!

Bethany Eicher said...

I love it! 😂

Katie said...

And this is why yours is not very favorite blog to read!

The Graham Family said...

You just made my day! Love your posts. Especially this one. :) Right there with ya.

Race Bannon said...

Um, Hayden has a mullet.

Nikki said...

Loved this post!

dmossmom said...

This is hilarious Patti! It's so true every generation thinks they reinvent the wheel. To keep up to date is usually a matter of keeping abreast of new language, 'baby wearing', .and now emojis. 🤓💃🏻

Unknown said...

I do believe, this is my favorite of your posts, ever!

My Little Wonders said...

My laughing almost woke the almost 5 month old sleeping next to me! :) Priceless blog post!

me said...

And this is why I visit here!
Thanks from this 48 yr old mother of 11 (from almost 2 to 21)

Unknown said...

I want to be like you when I grow up!!!

Grammi Faith said...

Well, Patti, you can only imagine how a woman 25 years your senior feels. I am a vazzie (is that the right term?), swaddling, techno emoji confused person, who generally keeps her opinions low key. I had wanted to "wear" our foster babies but feared my BPPV would be a hindrance. Did not even know my occasional staggering had an official name until a fellow senior citizen was lamenting she suffered from it. I am surprised these "modern" mothers even consider covering up when they nurse. I've seen them out in public just bare all and nurse.

Enjoyed you're (hee hee) blog as usual. I'm off to go thru my stash of fabric to make a car-seat coverup so people will not touch or sneeze on our babies. Oh and to keep the AZ sun from touching their delicate skin. We don't usually have to worry about the wind here. (aaahhh cannot find an emoji, your (hee hee) such a techno nerd soon to be 48 year old)

Unknown said...

Love reading your blog posts Patti Rice :)!! Beautiful pictures :)! - Bethany Williams

angie said...

So, so funny! This 45 y/o momma of six feels your pain. My oldest is 20 and my youngest is 2. My oldest does not think I'm very cool, but my 2 y/o does! LOL Madison is so beautiful Patti. Thanks for sharing some photos. I've been checking all week for new ones. :)

Unknown said...

I've been reading your blog for years. I love it! Your children are all so beautiful....great photos too. This post made me laugh.

Anne B. said...

Beautiful picture overload!!! (no emoji but lots of real smiles!!!) The picture of your four girls is gorgeous....they are gorgeous! Love this post. My husband was even laughing as I read it to him! (we are old) I can SO relate to all the things you said. Thanks for keeping it so real! Thanks for sharing your sweet children with us. I think they have survived your nerdiness (is that a word?) very well! :)

cara said...

Cannot LOVE these pictures more!!!! And the heart emoji should be inserted here several times, but I don't have that capability on this ancient thing I am typing on without updating the software, ha. Oh my, I wasn't sure that was actually a marajuana leaf emoji. I am sort of feeling like you lately. When I go to my 16 year old's sporting events, I seem to be the only mom carrying a baby as well (I should say wearing) as well as chasing toddlers. I am old compared to the young mamas and should not be baby wearing compared to the older mamas. It is sort of strange, but like you, I wouldn't change a thing!! Funny reading this tonight as my husband and I were having presidential conversations with my oldest while I am nursing not only a baby, but a toddler as well that is extremely attached!!!! We go from talking about poop and toilet training promising something great to those that use the potty singing ABC's to discussing abortion, immigration, Bible, etc. in the matter of a couple minutes. So to say I relate to this, is an understatement. :)

Baby Bunny is just perfect!!!! Cannot get enough of her sweetness. That pic of all your girls is beautiful! xoxoxo

all10popes said...

Patty!! 33 here with 8 and I feel behind All. The. Time. Wait do people still emphasize like that? ;0) So funny! I love that you love your life. It's a blessing to read about. PS would you accept my friend request on IG pretty please?!?! Thx!!

MamaV said...

Lol you are so cool. This is why my about me says nothing about my momliness.

Cindy said...

Times they are-a changin'! I'm glad we have you to keep us up to date on all the new, hip vibes! Ya dig??

Cindy said...

Times they are-a changin'! I'm glad we have you to keep us up to date on all the new, hip vibes! Ya dig??

MomToThemAll said...

What a great blog post!! I was laughing out loud reading it. I loved all the photos!! Your sweet baby is so precious!!

Leslie said...

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, your life, and your family with us. I just love your blog, Patti. This post had me grinning the whole time. Loved it! :)

Unknown said...

Smiling so big I have tears. I feel all the above and I'm 37 with 5 kids ;-) Love your posts and pictures!

magnificent7 said...

Hilarious! You are super hip!! Love, love this post!

Apkd said...

I'm a 23 year old childless blogger and I am sat here in tears reading this!!! You have literally defined my child bearing generation to a T and even at my age I cannot for the life of me fathom their definitions of their parenting! feel like I need to put this on my favourite list to read whenever I'm feeling down because this was hilarious! Love your blog!

Kiara Buechler said...

Okay this might be my favorite post of yours ever. So funny, and all the pictures are so cute!

nikki.curnutt said...

Bahahahaha, you crack me up!!! I'm an almost-33-year-old mom to three kids ages three and under, and I have NEVER heard of a Milk Snob! Off to google it now... ;-)

Unknown said...

Laughing out loud on this one! :) Own it like a BOSS! Love the pics and glad to see Sweet baby girl so healthy! ~Maureen

Wendy Talley, Portsmouth, VA said...

Love this!

Tracy~sharing from the heart said...

I needed the laugh this post brought me today! Love reading about your family. I'm so glad I landed on your blog by accident several years ago! I hope you have a blessed rest of the week.

nicole said...

A bio of Mama to 12 has a whole lot more to it if you are able to read between the lines.

Judi K. said...

Patti, I have been reading your blog for 3-4 years. When your newest little one came along my 13 year old requested to follow your Instagram account on my behalf since I am so technologically illiterate. I was looking at it this morning and pressed the wrong button and unfollowed you. :( We put in another request, but in the mean time my 13 year old has made a gift for your little one, and I didn't know how you would feel about complete strangers sending you things in the mail. It would be for Easter so we would need to mail it this week if you are willing to accept. We would need a mailing address. You can respond to judikars at gmail dot com Thanks so much! Judi

Jennifer said...

Once again I am behind on my blog reading but had to comment because:
1 - You have the most adorable children.
2 - This post made me laugh - thank you!
3 - I am so sad that the internet seems to have given people license to be mean.
4 - I hope that all of the young moms you meet take time to listen to you, as a mom of 12 I'm sure you are much more help than all of the fancy new things.