Dearest Baby # 11,
It is three and a half weeks til you are due. I am having so many contractions and you are so low, that I think we will be seeing you earlier than that. Mama went to the doctor this morning and I'm already dilated to three...sometimes this doesn't mean much, but because of how early your sister Lily was, I feel like you will come soon as well.
Yesterday your oldest sister Mackenzie did a maternity shoot for me and you. It was a much needed diversion from all that I've been going through. Every day seems to take forever to get through, because I really just want to do nothing else but see you.
I'm consumed by you.
I put this slideshow together and picked a song to go with it, and as silly as it sounds I started crying when I watched it. In fact...I'm crying right now typing those words.
I've just waited so long for you, baby.
After your sister Lily was born, I didn't think I'd be able to have any more babies. I was 42 when I had her, and I didn't start my cycles again for quite awhile...so long that I thought maybe I was going into early menopause. Then when I started them again, it took us seven months to conceive a baby. I was so happy, dear baby, so very happy.
And just as suddenly as that baby made its appearance, it left us for Heaven. It took a long time for my body to realize that- eleven long weeks. Those were some of the most difficult weeks, knowing I was going to lose that baby, and just waiting for it to happen. I went through a very long grief period, and I really thought my baby carrying days were over for good.
But your daddy kept telling me you were coming.
He never gave up hope, and every time I broke down in tears and said, "I'm just not ready to be done yet," he told me we had one more baby waiting for us. He told me when you came I would see that he was right.
And you did.
You came when I least suspected it, when I gave up all hope, when I had almost convinced myself that this season in our lives was over.
And maybe that's why this pregnancy has seemed so long to me.
Because I didn't really believe this day might come.
And now you're almost here, and I am so so very happy and blessed and I just can't wait to hold you in my arms...to inhale your sweet newborn smell, to kiss your little nose, to feel your fingers curl around mine, to hear that first lamb-like cry...I am so anxious to see you.
I'm counting the days now, my sweet little baby. I can't wait to meet you.
All my love forever,
*photos courtesy of lilybirdphotography