Tuesday, May 7, 2013

baby of mine

Dearest Baby # 11,

It is three and a half weeks til you are due. I am having so many contractions and you are so low, that I think we will be seeing you earlier than that. Mama went to the doctor this morning and I'm already dilated to three...sometimes this doesn't mean much, but because of how early your sister Lily was, I feel like you will come soon as well.

Yesterday your oldest sister Mackenzie did a maternity shoot for me and you. It was a much needed diversion from all that I've been going through. Every day seems to take forever to get through, because I really just want to do nothing else but see you.

I'm consumed by you.

I put this slideshow together and picked a song to go with it, and as silly as it sounds I started crying when I watched it. In fact...I'm crying right now typing those words.

I've just waited so long for you, baby.

After your sister Lily was born, I didn't think I'd be able to have any more babies. I was 42 when I had her, and I didn't start my cycles again for quite awhile...so long that I thought maybe I was going into early menopause. Then when I started them again, it took us seven months to conceive a baby. I was so happy, dear baby, so very happy.

And just as suddenly as that baby made its appearance, it left us for Heaven. It took a long time for my body to realize that- eleven long weeks. Those were some of the most difficult weeks, knowing I was going to lose that baby, and just waiting for it to happen. I went through a very long grief period, and I really thought my  baby carrying days were over for good.

But your daddy kept telling me you were coming.

He never gave up hope, and every time I broke down in tears and said, "I'm just not ready to be done yet," he told me we had one more baby waiting for us. He told me when you came I would see that he was right.

And you did.

You came when I least suspected it, when I gave up all hope, when I had almost convinced myself that this season in our lives was over.

And maybe that's why this pregnancy has seemed so long to me.

Because I didn't really believe this day might come.

And now you're almost here, and I am so so very happy and blessed and I just can't wait to hold you in my arms...to inhale your sweet newborn smell, to kiss your little nose, to feel your fingers curl around mine, to hear that first lamb-like cry...I am so anxious to see you.

I'm counting the days now, my sweet little baby. I can't wait to meet you.

All my love forever,

Mama oxoxox






*photos courtesy of lilybirdphotography

20 comments:

Naomi said...

So sweet!! Good job kenz!!!

Brenna said...

Beautiful slideshow! Love the dandelion photo. Looking forward to "seeing" your newest blessing soon!

5 Marsh-ins said...

Love this. Would be great to do each kid holding their number with a big 11 painted on your belly. You have a beautiful family Patti. Love all the pictures! Can't wait to see the newest little!!

Monique Rice said...

Aw you look so beautiful i am so happy for you.

And oh em gee the picture with the 2 baby shoes and your tummy is SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I like the ones with you sitting in the grass and of course the gum and melon shack :)

G-31 Toastmasters said...

Beautiful!

Megan Reinbold said...

Beautiful! My favorite is the bubble gum pic. :)

mumofsix said...

You look amazing. You are amazing!

Twilson9608 said...

Beautiful photos, beautiful video, beautiful you! You look fabulous! So excited for you and your family!

Kelly Cach said...

Oh, goodness Patti!!! I was so choked up reading your letter. And your pictures are stunning...especially the last few and the one blowing the dandelion...my faves :)

We made a slideshow for Nora's first year and showed it at her birthday party. We used that song, too :). Jim put it on Youtube, but made it private and I can't remember the pass word....whaaaaa!!! I want to watch it bad, now :(

Lora said...

I lovvvvve this post. And your slide show made me cry. Partly because that is the same song I used to sing and play while I was carrying my first baby 18 years ago. Can't wait to see this new baby of yours! So exciting!!

Sylvia said...

beautiful!

Tanya said...

So beautiful :) I can't wait to see pictures of this baby of yours :)


Tanya

proud Mom of 5 beautiful children :)

Ashley said...

Beautiful, beautiful pictures! Good job, Kenzie <3 I can't wait to meet the sweet, new addition!

Kathy McElhaney said...

Beautiful! Love the bubblegum shot.

Crystal Kupper said...

Love the bubble gum photo!

Rochelle said...

Aw my friend you are so beautiful! Yes, this sweet baby has been prayed for and waited on and I am so thankful he/she is almost here. What a blessing for your family.

Still giggling at the melon shack pic. ;)

cara said...

BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! You look amazing!

This slideshow makes me want another one and I got a 13 week old right here. :)

I love the end of pregnancy anticipating the day that precious baby is going to make his/her debut. So much excitement. I LOVE the moment that little bundle of love is placed in your arms for the very first time. I cannot wait for you to have this baby. Cannot wait for pictures either. I know they will be beautiful!! Praying for you as you are near the end. xoxo

Jane George said...

oooo nooooooo! dont do this to me!!! gorgeous, just so lovely! can't wait, you have become the pregnant woman stick i beat my husband with! i love the bubblegum shot. patti, all my love i am thinking of you xxx

Lora said...

I loved this!! So precious!

Robin E. said...

This 42 year old mom of eight is crying her eyes out right now. This was so beautiful! Heartfelt congratulations, Patti! <3