by Aleisa A. Yusko from I Will Carry You
It's been well over a year since I answered that phone call from our geneticist with the amnio results.
To recall it still takes my breath away. I don't know that there is anything that can prepare you for the words, “Your baby IS showing a third 18th chromosome.” Our world was shattered. We'd done the research and the words “incompatible with life” were echoing loudly in my aching head. I was outraged at God and suddenly felt detached from my pregnancy. I was destroyed by the thought of losing our baby, but terrified by the prospect of becoming the parent of a special needs child. Whether this baby lived or died, I was scared to death. I had never felt so out of control of something in my entire life.
My husband and I leaned heavily on each other during this time and quickly realized we could not make it through something like this without the power of the Holy Spirit. Each hour we made it through was progress. It would be 99 more days that we had to patiently endure before our baby was born. As the time passed we gradually became accustomed to our new normal of having no idea what to expect from day to day. We mourned the loss of a typical healthy baby. We were told our baby could pass on at any time. We were hopeful for maybe just a few hours. We found out on February 5th that our baby was a girl and we named her Nora Rose. No, she wasn't “perfect” by the world's standards, but she was our baby and we fell helplessly in love with her.
This unplanned journey that we found ourselves on inspired me to start a blog that I named after my promise to Nora: I Will Carry You (www.noraroseyusko.com)
After about 9 hours of labor we were gifted with the sound of a hearty little cry. A very tiny, absolutely beautiful, perfect little girl was placed in my arms. We gazed into each other’s eyes as her tiny little hand reached up toward my face. Thank You, thank You, thank You, God!!! She had survived delivery. Just as we were heaving our sighs of relief, Nora was calmly but urgently whisked away from me and back to the observation table. My dear friend, also a labor and delivery nurse, was asked to be present for the delivery. She came over to my bedside and whispered in my ear about what was going on. With tears in her eyes, she explained that Nora's heart rate was dangerously low.
Without drastic measures (which we had already decided against) things weren't looking good. The silence was deafening. My hands were tightly grasped in prayer as I pleaded out loud with God to give me my little girl back, “Please, please, please, please, please, God. Oh, please, God, no! Please don't take her. Not yet! Please! I beg you, God!” My husband wrapped his arms around me, and we cried. Just as my heart was about to break in two, the silence was broken by the sound of the most beautiful little cry. I screamed out in ecstasy, praising the One True and Holy Lord God and Savior. Before long I had my sweet little bundle back in my arms. She was so absolutely perfect and I wouldn't have traded her for the world.
Nora will be one year old on April 17, 2013, far surpassing anyone's expectations. She is such an integral part of our family and we can't imagine what we did before she came along. Her beautiful little smile and her sweet squeals set my heart on fire. I wonder in awe at how I could have been so afraid of something so blessed, so precious. Nora is a gift to our family and a gift to everyone who knows her either in person or through the blog.
We have been taught so much through Nora. We've realized how very little we are actually in control of. Surrendering our lives completely to God was an enormous burden off our backs, yet not an easy step to take. We've also realized the futility of worry. There has been absolutely no benefit to worrying other than driving ourselves crazy. Nora has taught us about the sanctity of life. Every life indeed has a mighty purpose! We boldly prayed for a miracle and we got one that far surpassed our wildest dreams.